his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
