dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
