hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
