I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
