shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize