My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
