Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you inspire me to be a worse person
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
