Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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