worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
honey bunches of taint.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
