I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
