worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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