On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
