No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
