it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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