bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
