Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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