I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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