I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
