My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
