1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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