Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
