i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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