chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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