Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize