that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
