is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
