The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
