fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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