I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
