i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
