hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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