Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
