Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
