12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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