What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
