Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
