Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
