Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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