I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
