Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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