Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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