ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
