I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
