You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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