I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
