Do you still have your period?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
