exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
