I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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