Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
