I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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