i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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