i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
