fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize