She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
