When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
