Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
