I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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