If that was your dad, he is hot
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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