I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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