I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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