I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
