i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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