i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
