My friends, they love my intelligence
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There r osticjed everywhere
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
