you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
