I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
