I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize