hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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