whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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