I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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