According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
