what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
