can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
