you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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