Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
