ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
