so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
